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by EmptyOliveJar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Abuse, Flashbacks, Gaslighting, Happy Ending, Hux with anxiety, Knights of Ren mention, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mentions of Brendol Hux, Mentions of Han Solo - Freeform, Mentions of Luke Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, it's not that graphic I promise, mentions of leia organa, neither Hux or Ren had happy childhoods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 06:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8879848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmptyOliveJar/pseuds/EmptyOliveJar
Summary: During the destruction of Starkiller base, General Hux is ordered to bring Kylo Ren to Snoke in order to complete his training. Despite Ren's resignation to his fate, Hux refuses to obey, instead fleeing from the First Order with Ren in tow. As Ren contemplates how he will respond to Hux's insubordination, he is forced to look back at his childhood, life as a Knight of Ren, and his relationship with Hux.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spacedee](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=spacedee).



> This was written for spacedee for the Kylux holiday exchange. I really hope that you liked it! The prompt that it was based off was was that Hux takes Ren after TFA and runs. I was originally going to draw them something, but halfway through the comic, I realized that I didn't know how to finish it and that I didn't want to give them a mediocre piece of art when I knew I could probably write something better. Anyways, I hope that you had a wonderful holiday season, spacedee. I had a lot of fun writing this for you and I love your artwork! I apologize profusely if there are any typos.

Pain was temporary, something that anyone who desired strength could use to attain it. Kylo Ren had found a grip his own anguish and transformed it into the rage he needed to continue on many years ago. This pain, however, wasn’t a solitary thing. Guilt, he could wave away when he remembered Snoke’s words, but the shame that accompanied it clung to him like smoke. And there was so much to be ashamed of. His failures had ended in the destruction of Starkiller base along with his mind and body being dashed to pieces by a defected stormtrooper and a scavenger. The worst part was that even with all of that, something within him was being tugged back towards all that Han Solo had attempted to remind him of before Ren silenced him.  
  
He could feel his life leech away into the snow around him. In fact, he welcomed it. Dying here as the planet collapsed would offer more dignity than he deserved. Here, he wouldn’t have to face Snoke and explain everything that he’d done and try to accept his punishment with some degree of grace. Resigned, Kylo knew he couldn’t have saved himself even if he wanted to. He was bleeding out of his bowcaster wound and he had no use of his arm. Perhaps he should have just been grateful that he hadn’t been blinded. Snow was still falling as the ground pitched and heaved around him, emitting a thunderous sound. He put his head back and drew in a shaky breath, just keeping his eyes on the dark sky that was illuminated every few seconds by fleeing ships. Something about it possessed a singular beauty similar to a meteor shower.  
  
Physical abilities numb, Ren sensed the approach of several beings before he could hear the snow crunching under their boots and orders being given in a sharp voice. A dark shape leaned over him before dropping down to lean over him. Ren’s eyes focused just enough to identify General Hux by the way his hair caught the light of a fiery fissure that had opened up a few paces away to glow a bright gold. The leather of his gloves against his skin barely registered. Hux’s mouth moved, but Ren didn’t comprehend his words as Hux pressed his hand into Ren’s damaged side, making enough adrenaline surge into his bloodstream for him to snarl and lunge at Hux. He got one hand around his throat before he lost consciousness. 

  


When he woke up, Ren was in a medical bay. His thoughts were bogged down by pain killers, but he could still register throbbing along various points in his body. Something was on his face and obstructing his vision and he moved his hand up to tear it away.  
“Leave you bandages alone.” He heard Hux hiss.  
  
Turning his, Hux was sitting in a chair that he’d pulled up next to Ren’s bed. His coat and hat were slung over the back of his chair and it looked liked he’d been raking his hand through his hair with its current state of disarray. His uniform jacket was open, revealing blood smeared along his jaw and around his neck in the rough shape of a handprint. Old emotions kicking in without permission, Ren almost reached for Hux before he caught himself. Hux’s expression was murderous and his hands were clenched tightly around his thighs.  
  
“Where am I?” Ren demanded, his voice too shattered to sound intimidating.  
  
“The Finalizer. We’re heading to meet the Supreme Leader now.”  
  
Ren’s eyes went wide before he could gain control of himself. To his chagrin, Hux didn’t miss the movement and his glower deepened. Challenging Hux’s glare with one of his own, Hux didn’t respond to the bait and Ren realized he was looking through him, thinking about something else. After a few seconds, Hux rose and approached him.  
  
“You need your bacta bandages changed.”  
  
“Are there not any droids that could do that?”  
  
Frowning, Hux stepped back. “Of course there are. Do you want the droid?”  
  
“No.” Ren murmured before his temper returned. “Is there not something better you could be doing?”  
  
“My orders are to see to you rather than take command over my fleet for some reason.”  
  
There was no need to pry into Hux’s statement or his words for Ren to know just who had told him to do so and what it meant for both of them. After Ren didn’t respond, Hux let the conversation drop, going to a cabinet in the corner of the room and withdrawing bacta bandages. He probably needed a tank, but he would refuse to allow himself to be immersed into one. Even if he abhorred being tended to like this, bacta tanks were forbidden to Ren. Scars were earned and, for better or worse, to be displayed as symbols of victory or incompetence.  
  
While Ren had dealt with some rather horrific injuries in the past, this was something entirely different. Hux wasn’t one to hush himself. If there was something that he was sure about, he let it be known. There was something on his mind beyond his removal from issuing orders and Ren’s injuries, something he ascertained as he reached out and brushed the surface of Hux’s mind. He had always been extremely tense, but his current state was so bogged down with exhaustion, fury, despondency, and terror that Ren withdrew as one would if they stuck their hand in a fire. His intrusion didn’t go unnoticed.  
  
“Ren.” Hux succinctly warned.  
  
“What did he say?” Ren demanded.  
  
There was only a few moments of hesitation. It might as well have been an eternity.  
  
“You are to complete your training.”  
  
Every muscle in Ren’s body stiffened and he closed his eyes. Memories of his training began to trickle into the back of his skull, feeling like they were eating away at everything that they touched. He’d been reduced splinters with just enough honeyed words for him to come back to himself when he couldn’t get up. That was what it took to become truly powerful. You had to destroy the inferior foundation in order to rebuild something stronger. It was something he’d thrown himself into embracing and he was so close to succeeding, but every time he was nearly there, something within him would fail him, fail the Supreme Leader, unable to bend properly and instead snapping apart.  
  
He was an unworthy apprentice.  
  
Ungloved fingers threaded into his hair and Ren opened his eyes to watch Hux remove the bandage on his face. The inside of the strips of bacta were tinged crimson, but dry. The thing about lightsabers that had endlessly fascinated Ren was their ability to slice through flesh and then cauterize the wounds all in one movement. Being on the receiving end left him reconsidered his morbid interest in the subject. Before Hux could reach for the roll that he’d set on the tray next to him, Ren reached out and touched his wrist, stopping him.  
  
“I want to see my reflection.”  
  
“No, you don’t, Ren.”  
  
“I said that I wanted to see.”  
  
Hux glared at him before turning and digging around for something reflective before removing all of the surgical tools from the metal tray and handing it to him. When he got the angle right to view himself, any air that he’d been holding in his lungs left him. He’d never been particularly handsome, it was just a fact that he’d come to accept. Now, he was a monster. The burn from the scavenger was deep and ran jaggedly from his forehead, over his nose, and down his cheek to his jaw. His teeth clenched and the tray flew out of his hand to crash against the wall. Hux wisely said nothing. It was ridiculous of Ren to feel this way. Even the most accomplished warriors eventually became scarred. However, their opponents were worthier than a malfunctioning stormtrooper and some forgotten child from Jakku, only proving how weak Ren really was.  
  
The heart rate monitor beginning to spike, chirping wildly. Ren waited for the sedative to be jammed into his neck or even a slap in the face to get him to come back to himself. What came instead was Hux putting a knee up on the bed so that he could get close to him, fingertips coming to rest against the skin just under his ears. The familiarity of the position and everything it had encouraged in both of them steadied Ren’s breathing and some of his visceral emotions ebbed away. If Ren had wanted and been able to complete the picture, he’d pulled Hux completely above him and let his hands rest on his hips. Ren had used to like the feeling of his weight on top of him and Hux had always been very particularly about not wanting to be smothered by Ren while they still wanting to be able to kiss and touch. It was always how they had used found comfort far too often.  
  
His touch wasn’t as soft as it used to be, but Hux couldn’t seem to bring himself to be rough or even completely impersonal with him right then. Had it been any other time, Ren would have mocked him for it. The memory of that almost imperceptible, hopeful smile that he’d given Ren in the hall outside the interrogation room flitted behind his eyes. He’d asked him to help him find the droid in his own way, a peace offering. Even with all of the thoughts and memories that Ren had been able to hold in his hands, he still didn’t grasp the duality of General Armitage Hux.  
  
Ren’s voice was just as modulated as if he’d been wearing his mask. “Don’t touch me. Just finish with the bandages if you must.”  
  
Nodding, Hux got back to the floor, face flushing and nodding slightly as his expression turned icy at the rejection. Working methodically, Hux replaced the bacta strips on Ren’s side, shoulder and chest. Even if Ren sat up as best as he could to assist him and would move how Hux told him to when it was required, that was all. When he’d finished, he sat back down in the chair next to Ren, back straight in an effort to reclaim some of his dignity. Everything was about dignity with Hux. He hadn’t been able to afford much of it in life and now that he had been able to scrape some together, he didn’t sacrifice it for anyone, even the Supreme Leader. To any other officer, the interruptions and scathing looks that Hux had imparted onto the Supreme Leader would have been seen as pertinent and worthy of a demotion at best. With Snoke, it equated to pure mutiny. Ren wasn’t sure that Hux understood just how lucky that all that had happened to him so far was him being told to hand over his command.  
  
With no more words being exchanged between them and Hux’s duties completed for now, after a stretch of time, Hux’s eyes drifted shut and his head lolled to the side, his posture daring to relax back into the chair. He wasn’t quite asleep, still halfheartedly mulling something over. When Ren tried to ascertain what it was, unable to rest himself with the pain that was beginning to return and needing a distraction, Hux put up a wall around his thoughts. It took a powerful mind to do so and even if Ren could have overcome the trick any other time, he wasn’t strong enough in this state and Hux knew it, able to rest easy once Ren withdrew back into himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Bacta was a powerful thing. When the day cycle began and the lights automatically adjusted, Ren awoke parched, stiff, and miserable, yet alive. Everything still ached, but it was more tolerable and he experimentally flexed the the hand on his damaged arm, able to get strained movement. A few more days of healing and he’d probably recover all of his feeling and motion. The cut on his chest was shallow and was probably nearly healed and even if his bowcastor wound had been much deeper, it had sealed itself even if it was tender. Remembering his face, dismay set in despite Ren’s fury at the fact. Face injuries never healed well, even with bacta. There was something about the skin there that was resistant to healing. At least now he’d be equally terrifying with his helmet off and on.  
  
Hux was finally gone. Even if Ren knew he’d be back with Hux’s dogged determination to follow through with orders, he could enjoy this respite. Ren wished he knew where they currently were. The odds were high that they would be on Snoke’s planet within hours or perhaps even sooner. Taking deep breaths that caused his bandages to tighten constrictingly across his chest, Ren started trying to clear away the fog that had settled over his mind. He needed to be ready. There would be no mercy for him and rightfully so. Completing his training was what he needed right now, something to remove him from the petty things that had led him to failure. He would willingly cast them all aside if it meant that he could finally reach his full potential. There wasn’t any other choice.  
  
Even through the walls, Ren could feel Hux’s presence approaching. He was even more on edge than the last time he was here. Even if Hux was almost battling with some degree of anxiety, genuine fear was rare for him. However, in this situation, Ren didn’t need to delve deep to seek a reason why. Everything about Snoke radiated power and darkness, something that even non force users could sense from great distances away. It was chilling to hear Snoke’s voice over a holocall, but being close to him was something entirely different. If Ren’s powers filled the air with a static, Snoke caused a blizzard. Hux stayed outside the medical bay in his worry for several minutes before he finally deigned to enter, the wall coming down around his mind.  
  
“The shuttle we’re to take to the planet’s surface is prepared.” A beat passed. “How are you doing?”  
  
Ren ignored the question. “Help me get these bandages off.”  
  
“You’re not fully healed.”  
  
“I can get up.”  
  
“That doesn’t mean you should.” Hux asserted, irritated.  
  
“It’s not like I have a choice in the matter and neither do you.”  
  
After giving Ren a look that contained pure venom, Hux stalked over to him and began to unwind his bandages, examining the wounds as he went. This time, he kept his gloves on, hands professional rather than tender and perhaps slightly unsteady. The drugs had largely left Ren’s system, but he was still having a difficult time recovering all of his faculties. Hux gave dismissive looks and prods, declaring Ren’s the injuries healed well enough for travel until he reached the bowcastor wound.  
  
“Ren, you aren’t ready to leave. You’ll break yourself open again.”  
  
“If I am unable to hold myself together, then perhaps I deserve to fall apart.”  
  
“You might do just that. This isn’t like the wound to your shoulder. You’re risking internal bleeding.”  
  
Ren’s jaw clenched. While he always knew that his life wouldn’t be a long or happy one, the idea of it ending in the coming days brought ice to his veins.  
  
“So be it.”  
  
Hux’s hard expression slipped from his carefully perfected veneer of flint. It was something that he only allowed himself to do when he knew nobody was looking. The last time that Ren had seen anything similar to it, it was when Starkiller’s beam went off. Everyone had been looking at the sky and Hux had allowed himself to feel the weight of his accomplishments. If Ren had to guess, he’d been thinking about his father at the time. Right now, Ren was unsure what was going through Hux’s mind. Quick thinking left him agitated, but right now, he was resigned. His chest rose and fell, taking in and fully expending a few breaths before he rose and with certainty in his steps, passed by the machine regulating Ren’s pain killers, pressing a button and then continuing on his way to the cabinet.  
  
It took only seconds for the rush wave of pain killers to flood his system. Fighting the drug induced sleep, Ren desperately attempted and failed to sit up.  
  
“What are you doing?” He murmured, the words beginning to die in his throat before he could even create them.  
  
“What you won’t.”  
  
Ren was unable to demand what he meant by that or seize the information by force before things went black. 

  


When Ren awoke, his senses were there, but seemingly offline, sending no discernable information to his brain. How much time had passed or where he was he couldn’t determine. The only thing he could fully register was that he felt nauseated to the point where he feared he would be ill. Even if the world around him was shrouded in fog, he had some awareness of his body. He’d been given an enormous dose of painkillers and they were leaving his head fuzzy.  
  
Very slowly, his cognition began to come online. He was in a medical bay. It was cramped despite him being the sole occupant. He had to have been moved to the shuttle to be taken to the Supreme Leader. That was what was supposed to happen and everything around him supported the notion, yet something felt off. The air was clear of the pressure and chill that was building earlier. They weren’t anywhere near Snoke.  
  
After struggling for several minutes to shrug off the haze that had fallen over him, he sat up. His bandages had been taken off and a heavy curtain of bacta odor was still in the air. From what he could examine without a mirror, his wounds were nearly completely healed. In order to confirm his suspicions, Ren examined the calluses on his palms, finding them absent, replaced by smooth skin. He’d been placed in a bacta tank. This gave him a timeline. This degree of healing would at least have taken half a day at least.  
  
His robes having been cut from him when he was first treated, the change of clothing that had been left for him on the side table by his bed was a plain First Order uniform without any indication of rank upon it. His lightsaber was nowhere to be seen. It was no loss, he wouldn’t need it. The only thing that we was unsure of was whether or not it would be best to kill Hux when he found him or to bring him to the Supreme Leader. He donned the uniform, taking no time to put into place the ornate details such as the belt or tucking the jodphurs into the boots.  
  
As Ren was readying himself to head to the cockpit, the door opened. Hux entered, unshaven and with his uniform even more sloppy than Ren’s. He appeared as if he hadn’t slept or eaten, which was likely exactly what had happened. At least he was here facing Ren down. One thing that Ren would never think of Hux as was a coward.  
  
Ren’s voice was deadly calm. “Do you deserve to explain this?”  
  
“Yes.” Hux replied, looking him squarely in the face.  
  
Hux knew how to manipulate people. It was something that he’d been forced to learn at an early age. At that moment, he while his spine was straight and hands still, his eyes were wide, mouth held ambivalent. His chin was tipped up to Kylo ever so slightly. He wasn’t offering anything remotely resembling a challenge. Quite the opposite, he was leaving himself open very purposefully to Ren. The raw risk in it was something that Ren might have appreciated if his temper wasn’t balanced on a knife’s edge.  
  
“Then hurry and do so.”  
  
“I’m offering you a choice.”  
  
“Between what?”  
  
Hux tried to move past him, but Ren put out his hand, arm stiff. Giving in, Hux didn’t fight him and his voice was even.  
  
“The odds were against you surviving the night had you been left with Snoke. You and I both knew it. We are also both aware that there’s nothing that I can do if you wish to kill me where I stand or drag me back to Snoke for him to decide what he wishes to be done with me.”  
  
“I’m not sure which I prefer right now.” Ren intoned, having to work to keep his voice from thundering.  
  
“Or you could run away, Ren.”  
  
“With you?”  
  
“No. I won’t pretend that I have any hold over you by now. If ever you would have followed me, that was in the past.”  
  
“Then why?” Ren hissed, gripping him by the collar to get him to quit circling around his meaning.  
  
“Because I can’t live with your death on my conscience!”  
  
It was such a strange thing to hear after Hux had been responsible for the deaths of the population of five planets. Ren’s hand dropped and he could only blink as Hux collected himself after having Ren put his hands on him.  
  
The first time they had ever touched, Hux had backhanded him across the face. He’d been strangling an officer that had brought news of the Rebel forces led by his childhood friend having outmaneuvered them yet again. Hux had demanded that he stand down and when Ren refused, he got right between them, destroying Ren’s focus for just long enough for the officer to scurry away with the time Hux had bought her. For a few seconds, Ren had considered latching onto Hux’s throat instead. And then he came back to himself.  
  
But Ren wanted to see how far he could push the posh, little man who thought he had what it took to stand up to him. He activated his lightsaber and swung it in front of Hux, just close enough to his face for him to feel the heat from it, perhaps catch the sting from a stray spark of plasma. Ren knew he couldn’t hurt him, Snoke had told him in the past that Hux’s engineering skills were invaluable to the First Order even if his leadership and strategies as a general didn’t always measure up to his prowess with machinery. Yet by no means did that mean that Ren had to tolerate him and even with as professional as Hux had originally attempted to be with him, the feeling was mutual.  
  
“If you’re going to threaten me, have the decency to look at me without that ridiculous mask.” He’d sneered.  
  
His voice was nothing like that which he used to deliver his condemnation of the New Republic on Starkiller base. There was nothing to it, no passion or fear. This was a man that was beyond being moved by idle threats. And so Ren had taken off his mask, lowering his cowl deactivating his lightsaber and returning it back to his belt so that he could catch the clasps and release it from his face and head. That was also the first time that Hux had seen his face. He didn’t dwell upon any of his features, just seeming to double check that Ren was indeed flesh and blood. As if all of that fury that Hux almost never allowed to bleed through needed to find an outlet in that exact moment, Hux put strength that Ren would never have imagined him having into the back of his hand. Ren let the blow land and was rewarded with a bloodied lip. Why he didn’t stop it was still something he thought about.  
  
“Destroying my ship is one thing, but if you come after another one of my crew members again, you’ll face me and you’ll find that I won’t cower before you.”  
  
At that, Hux had turned on his feels and left, exposing his back to Ren. It may have been a foolish act, but it was also one meant to put Ren in his place. Hux had learned in his life how to assert himself and prove that he was a worthy opponent or ally. There had been no other choice. Beyond that, even if he couldn’t quite hide how much he despised being intimidated or yelled at, he wouldn’t turn unless it was directly to tell you that he didn’t put any faith in your ability to hurt him.  
  
“This isn’t like one of your jaunts.” Hux went on to explain, voice taut. “We both know that you won’t come back. And if you do, it won’t be you any longer.”  
  
“I’m not even sure if I remember who it is that you seem to be so attached to, General.”  
  
“I know. That’s the point.”  
  
Ren’s mouth twisted as he considered many different words. “I’ve chosen my path while you’ve damned yourself. You’ve offered up everything only to receive nothing in return. I always thought that you were craftier than that.”  
  
“You’re not buried in unbreachable darkness, Kylo. It’s a fact that you’ll never be able to fully deny and we both know it.”  
  
Disdain began to twist and writhe inside Ren’s gut. It was that Hux wasn’t wrong that stung the most. Hearing him use his name wasn’t helping at all either. Even though Ren had chosen his name, it was primarily his and his alone. The other Knights of Ren hardly ever uttered it unless it was in a ritual setting and Snoke had always deemed him “apprentice.” The title of “Kylo” seemed to belong solely to Hux, something that needled at Ren. Reading between Hux’s words, Ren turned on him, throwing them back at him.  
  
“You walk in the darkness even if I can’t in your mind.”  
  
Hux was displeased upon hearing that, but realistic enough to take it. “That is probably how I’ll go down in history. Who am I to correct it? I know who I am now, Ren.”  
  
“You’re a cruel man. Sometimes I see glimpses of who you may have been if you hadn’t been kicked around all your life, but that’s not who you are. That potential is long gone. Everything that you do is selfish, brutal, and greedy. You know exactly who you’ve turned into.” Ren articulated, teeth threatening to grit together with every word.  
  
The expressions that Hux cycled through during and after that spiteful speech mirrored his words on Starkiller almost exactly. He was as calm as he could be given the gravity of the discussion that they were having before Ren found a fracture and pressed down upon it, leaving Hux shaking and his lip curling. When he’d finished and Hux had taken a few seconds to think about what had been delivered to him, he was barely concealing that he’d been wounded. He had a tell. While his eyes were always dry, tears having been beaten out of him decades ago, he hadn’t lost the ability to feel pain and it showed in those same eyes ever so slightly.  
  
Pushing past Ren, he sat down heavily in a nearby chair.  
  
“I have to be that way.”  
  
And Ren knew that.  
  
“I will accept the labels that you’ve thrown at me. In all reality, none of them are refutable. But I swear this. I never wanted to be those things to you. I will let this galaxy utter the name Starkiller when they think of me and then spit, but never will I let myself be compared to my father. That much I am better than I won’t allow a single person to say otherwise.”  
  
“So you feel no guilt over the lives you’ve destroyed?”  
  
“Do you?” Hux replied, not pettily but with real intention.  
  
And Ren knew his answer, even after having to pause for a moment. “No.”  
  
“Then you know my answer. We both did what we had to do, Kylo. It was what we believe or believed to be right at the time. Taking shame in that will only poison us over time.”  
  
“Don’t call me that.”  
  
“Are you afraid of hearing yourself addressed so intimately?”  
  
Ren played the same trick that Hux had. “You tell me, Armitage.”  
  
Hux only blinked a few times, but Ren could read that he was flushed for a few seconds with the closest thing to elation that Hux was capable of before more bitter sensations drowned it out.  
  
“Do you understand at all what I’ve done? I still had a future in the First Order. We could have rebuilt just as the Empire did. While the First Order was made weak, the New Republic is yet weaker. I could have ruled as emperor. Snoke never would have taken such a public position of leadership. You, on the other hand, would have died a tedious, miserable death at that bastard’s hands and relished it because you love punishing yourself because you think you deserve it, that it will make you pure somehow and will drive away all of the doubt and hatred you have for yourself. But that’s not how it works, Ren. None of that will make you good, drive out the light, whatever the hell it is that you so desperately want. All it does it serve the needs of Snoke and you know how he assures that you keep doing just that? He plays with your mind and your heart. He’s been doing it since the beginning.”  
  
That was when Ren had finally had enough, his words coming out in a snarling tumult. “I need him, unlike you. Are you incapable of accepting that you will never be everyone’s perfect little-”  
  
“No, I won’t have this right now, Ren!” Hux was not to be stopped, starting to yell with each passing word, teeth bared. “My father did exactly what Snoke does to you. Taking a young, impressionable child and making damn sure that you know that you are absolutely nothing the way you are and that you will never be good enough unless you do exactly what they say and live up to their every expectation. And maybe sometimes they make you think that that’s what you want rather than what they need to vicariously accomplish what they can’t. They feed off of you and make sure that you know nothing that you do will ever be enough so that you push yourself beyond your limits and lose all sense of who you were without them. And then when you finally fail, they realize that all they’ve done is break their plaything and so they toss you aside. Maybe you would have been strong enough to make it through your training, Ren, but if you weren’t disposed of then, it wouldn’t have been far off in the future when that day finally arrived.”  
  
For once, Ren didn’t let Hux be the one to storm off. Leaving him wilted on that chair after his fervent speech, Ren turned and headed to the cockpit. Once there, he stood in between the pilot and copilot’s chairs, just needing to look at the stars and steady himself. His head was swimming and his limbs cried out for rest, but he ignored it all.


	3. Chapter 3

“Sit down. You’re starting to sway.”  
  
Ren hadn’t been focused enough to hear Hux approach in any way. At the moment, he didn’t particularly care even if he knew he should have considering that he’d been kidnapped. The power wasn’t in Hux’s hands anymore, so it didn’t matter.  
  
“And you’re shaking.”  
  
Rather than arguing with the deflection, Hux just took a seat. After a few seconds, Ren did the same. He wasn’t sure how much time he’d spent just staring out at the expanse of stars.  
  
“You’ve known that you haven’t been in control of yourself for longer than you’d like to admit, Kylo.” Hux stated in a monotone, exhausted.  
  
“So did my father.”  
  
There was heavy silence between them for a long stretch and Ren’s thoughts began to wander in an attempt to distract himself from the situation at hand, plucking a memory from its depths.  
  
The second time they had any significant interaction was after Hux attended his first holocall meeting with Ren and the Supreme Leader. One of the Knights of Ren had opposed not only Ren but Snoke by disobeying an order. In return, Ren had hesitated in executing them, long enough for them to land a hit against Ren. As punishment for his delay, Snoke had told him that he was to let his wound heal without bacta or any sort of painkiller. The wound wasn’t lethal, but it was deep and when Ren moved wrong, his vision would grow dark around the edges and not even the black of his garments could hide the bleeding when the wound would break open. Hux had listened to this whole exchange wordlessly, but with barely concealed malice in his expression. Ren was never sure if Snoke had noticed it or not, having been so focused on reprimanded Ren, making sure he knew exactly where he would be if he failed to follow the course that he had set for him. It was the beginning of the outright defiance that Hux had shown Snoke when he had ordered him to be silent. There had been warning signs around Hux that had been ignored. Before this, he had just been the gangly engineer that was showing mediocre abilities with the star destroyer that had been awarded to him for his blueprints. Nobody would have expected him to commit piracy and kidnap a Knight of Ren.  
  
When Snoke was eventually satisfied with how he’d dealt with Ren, he turned to discuss Hux’s plans for Starkiller with him. Ever ready to please, any distaste that Hux had expressed earlier melted away, all oily charm and desperate for Snoke to approve his plan. Even after Ren had taken his beatings and then looked to Snoke, needing new orders, he still was sickened by the display. The holocall ended without Snoke acknowledging Ren further after he was done speaking with Hux. Ren pivoted to leave, stalking out even if the jarring movement left him nearly ill.  
  
“Ren.”  
  
The raw shock at Hux wanting his attention for a moment more than it was required made him stop. He didn’t turn around, making Hux come to him if he wanted to speak. And Hux did. Without Snoke’s magnified, blue tinted image filling up the conference room, the darkness was ready to swallow them up. Hux stepped in front of him, closing his eyes for a few moments before squaring his posture.  
  
“I apologize for laying hands on you.”  
  
Ren scoffed. “Are you really after what I’ve done to your precious ship and everyone on it?”  
  
He chose not to answer, changing the subject.  
  
“You need bacta if that wound is as bad as was described.”  
  
“I’ll live.”  
  
“Ren-”  
  
“Don’t you have something to attend to, General?”  
  
Finally ruffled, Hux glowered and then, stiff mannered as ever, headed to exit the conference room and return to his beloved bridge. Ren watched him do so. Everything about Hux from the way he spoke, stood, even held his hands was so practiced and carefully regulated. He wasn’t authentic or natural in anything he did, an outsider that had learned the nuances enough to blend in, but not quite enough to escape a trained eye. Having grown up around both the posh and those who had been forced to learn how to be so due to various reasons, he knew the difference.  
  
“With as powerful as you are, you have no reason to take his abuse.”  
  
In turn, Ren lost what little collectedness Snoke had left him with.  
  
“Don’t speak of things that you don’t understand.” He snarled.  
  
A beat passed before Hux responded. “I’m not.”  
  
At that, he left Ren, the door opening and shutting. Ren thought very carefully on the readout that Hux had issued since the meeting began past the end of their exchange as Hux walked with purposefully steps away from Ren.  
  
But back in the present, the situation couldn’t have been farther from that first glimpse into Hux’s shallow reserve of compassion. Or maybe it was something else. Hux could have easily been trying to save himself through Ren. It wasn’t something that Ren would put passed him. It didn’t matter. The end result was the same. Clever little General Armitage Hux had trapped Ren like a womp rat because he knew him and knew that Ren didn’t want to kill Hux. Not by his own hands, not by Snoke’s, no one’s. Ren had murdered enough people that he’d loved at one point or another. It wouldn’t happen again.  
  
“You’re not a good man, Armitage.” Ren stated, voice threatening to drop off. “But neither am I.”  
  
“Perhaps one doesn’t have to be good in this world to be happy. We had that once. You wanted that again and that’s why you pushed me away. Kylo… I know that I can’t force you to come with me. You’ve had enough people making you bend to their will throughout your life. We both have. If you want to return, I won’t stop you from doing so. Snoke will take you back.”  
  
“And you’ll escape by yourself, then?”  
  
“Escape to what? Kylo, unlike you, my face is known to the galaxy. The best I can hope for out there is a year at most of isolation while running for my life. It’s no way to live. I’ve been alone for all my life, Kylo. I’m tired of it.”  
  
“There isn’t any alternative.” Ren pointed out, irked by where he knew this conversation was going.  
  
“There’s one.” Hux said in a staccato. “I’ll come with you.”  
  
“You’d be put to death.”  
  
“I’m aware. If it is to happen, I want it to be you to be the one to do it. You’ll be the last thing I ever see. Even if they have me wear some sort of blindfold, I’ll know that it’s you.”  
  
Ren was about to protest vehemently before he remembered exactly who he was speaking to and the lengths that he was willing to go to in order to get what he needed.  
  
“You are trying to manipulate me.”  
'  
Hux glowered at him, disdain tugging at the shape of his mouth. Ren had genuinely offended him.  
  
“Search my thoughts if you don’t believe me. I’ll put up no resistance. In fact, I implore you to so that there will be no doubt as to my intentions.”  
  
For a long moment, Ren didn’t so much as twitch. Hux merely inclined his head, closing his eyes. A snippet of his voice echoed in Ren’s ears. Careful, Ren. That was how Hux would always tell him if he was going to far. It revealed seemingly nothing but annoyance to anyone who might overhear it, but it meant to everything from Ren hurling something far too personal at Hux during an argument to Hux reaching his limits during physical intimacy. Ren’s mind was almost decided about this whole situation. This much he could afford to allow Hux. Ren brought his fingertips to Hux’s temples, the touch heavier than it needed to be. That fact guilted him, but he wasn’t in control of himself enough to be overly gentle. Hux was stoic, his breathing under tight rein. So Ren reached out and brushed along Hux’s consciousness, not ready to sink back into it as they had done a scant handful of times during the peak of their affair. It was more than enough.  
  
I’m scared. I’m scared what will happen if you die. What will I do? None of it is worth it without you. Without you, I’m nothing, just a pawn. You make me feel like more than that. I could never let you die. I never told you that I loved you so that’s why you can’t believe me when I say that. You left me because I couldn’t tell you that. Please, please don’t leave me again. I need you. It’s pathetic and I hate it, but I need you. Do you need me? You told me that you didn’t need me and I would have destroyed the entire galaxy for it to have not been true. Were you lying? Will I ever know the truth? It doesn’t matter if you love me now. I love you. I will for as long as you’ll let me. There shouldn’t be anything good left in me, but if there is, it’s there because of you.  
  
It was an avalanche. Ren forced himself to hang on and listen to all of it. As weak as he was, even without any resistance, taking in that much of Hux’s thoughts threatened to render him unconscious. But he drew upon his reserves, forcing himself to listen to it all until Hux’s mind issued nothing but a rippling silence. When he withdrew, he removed his hands, the air chilling his skin where he’d been cradling Hux’s face.  
  
His voice threatened to quaver and he didn’t try to stop it. “That a man like you can love is something that many people in this galaxy wouldn’t want to believe.”  
  
Hux had to take a few shaky breaths before he could respond properly.  
  
“They all mean nothing to me. Let them loathe me. It’s not them I want.”  
  
“I have light in me that I can’t escape. The death of Han Solo has cemented that for me. Not even patricide can drive it away. Your darkness isn’t without abandon, it’s tamed, harnessed. If I insist on seeking the dark, than perhaps it is you that I desire and that even the light doesn’t protest.”  
  
Ren reached out his hand and very slowly, Hux offered his fingers which Ren gently curled into his own. Hux wasn’t wearing his gloves and from the stiff way he was holding himself and his change in breathing, Ren had to wonder if this was the first skin to skin contact that Hux had experienced since they separated.  
  
“Where will we go?”  
  
No answer was put forth. Hux merely slipped his fingers in between Ren’s, looking at him with a youthful expression of hope that made him appear almost unrecognizable. Determining when Hux was genuinely happy wasn’t a civilian task. He never smiled, but some of the hardness would fall away from his eyes and maybe his posture would lose some of its rigidity, daring to relax just a tad bit.  
  
“You didn’t think that far ahead.”  
  
“How could I with all that was happening? I’m only an engineer.”  
  
Ren shook his head, finding some humor. “Not even you believe that. We’ll go somewhere where no one will recognize us, where we’ll be left in peace. We’ll find a place like that.”  
  
“And Snoke?”  
  
“There are three Jedi now. I don’t believe he is long for this world without me to protect him and command the Knights of Ren.”  
  
Hux nodded, letting the idea sink in. “Give me a few minutes to figure out some coordinates, then.”  
  
When Hux went to turn and go to the controls of the shuttle, Ren caught his arm. Hux’s world revolved around words while Ren was largely required to remain silent and be physical. Now that he was speaking once again, he didn’t have any plans to stop until he’d said all that he needed to.  
  
“You make me weak while you have proven yourself to be one of the most resilient people in the galaxy. All my life I’ve been trying to overcome weakness, yet I can’t bring myself to regret everything between us.”  
  
“And you make me good and yet you are no such thing.” Hux realized how deep this was getting and did his best to shrug it off. “Funny how those things work.”  
  
Ren didn’t allow him to. “I do care about you, Armitage. I should never have let myself be deluded to believe otherwise. We both deserved better than that.”  
  
“And now you’ve taken the opportunity for us to return to what used to be us.”  
  
“No. I don’t want anything resembling what we used to have.”  
  
To his surprise, Hux leaned in and pressed a kiss onto his lips.  
  
His voice was uncharacteristically soft and gentle. “I am very glad to hear that.”  
  
“When I was a child, my parents had a strained relationship at best. My mother was occupied with the senate and my father always off in his ship in some distant corner of the galaxy. I rarely saw them together and when those rare moments arrived, they were brief. My uncle would always tell me that they did love one another and me, and perhaps they did, but loving and starting a family with someone that it pains you to be around is inherently cruel to everyone involved. I never wanted anything even vaguely resembling that and when Snoke began to come to me in my dreams, I became convinced that any sort of love would only leave me less than I all ready was. I’m done with all of those notions.”  
  
Hux was unsure how to respond to that, so Ren continued talking as to not leave the silence up to him to fill.  
  
“You let me know through your thoughts that I was your first and only love once. I thought that you were frigid, but you had no idea how to accept the tenderness that I wanted to give you. The idea that I was manipulating you would never leave your head. You were so greedy when you finally began to let yourself accept affection, touch. I had never seen anyone relish anything like that before. That was when it finally sank in for me that you’d truly had nobody and that the person most afraid of you stringing them along was yourself. You were petrified that I’d think that you were just trying to obtain something and you still are. I know that you’re not, Armitage.”  
  
While Ren was finally finding his words again, Hux was at his limit. Reasonably so considering that his life had been up in the air from the very start of this venture. Ren leaned over and flipped on the star chart, giving Hux the excuse of going back to plotting out their navigation before sitting down in the copilots seat. He’d never liked flying even if he’d been good at it. Something about extending himself into the dead machinery alarmed him even if it came so naturally to others in his lineage. After half heartedly looking over the controls to get a sense of how to fly the shuttle, he sat back, another recollection emerging as Hux deftly traced his fingers over the expanse of the galaxy.  
  
There had been many firsts that night. Ren had went to Hux’s quarters, only a short trip across the hall. Their private quarters were both placed as far from the other officers as possible: Hux’s to display his standing and Ren’s to likely keep him away from everything and everyone. Thus, it was simple for Ren to make up his mind to visit Hux. He left his mask behind, knowing nobody would see during the short trip between their doors. By that time, his burn had nearly completely healed, even if the process had been a trying one. The wound had broken open often and the scar that it had left was something that he still felt to this day if he stretched too far.  
  
When Ren hit the panel outside the door, requesting access, he didn’t announce himself, just waiting in growing irritation for Hux to answer. Ren had never been encouraged to form any sort of personal bond, no matter how casual, even with the Knights of Ren. Thus, the idea of speaking to Hux about something that didn’t pertain to matters of the First Order was enough to leave his adrenaline wrenchingly high and yet leave his heart urging him forward through it all. When Hux finally opened his doors to be presented with Ren’s image, he frowned slightly.  
  
“Yes, what is it?”  
  
Ren decided to be blunt. “I want to know what you meant when we spoke in the conference room.”  
  
Hux knew exactly what he was speaking about.  
  
“You’re not a fool, Ren. We both know that you knew what I meant. I will not tolerate you being cruel to me for your own pleasure.”  
  
He began to step back into his room. Ren caught his wrist, startling Hux. While he wasn’t trying to hurt him, he also wasn’t gentle. Hux’s alarm was palpable and Ren let him go as soon as he felt it. The only change in his appearance had been a brief widening of the eyes and intake of breath.  
  
“Forgive me. I don’t wish to harm you, only to speak. Please, Hux.”  
  
After a few seconds where Hux barely moved, he stepped aside, allowing Ren into his quarters. Having no plans of staying long, Ren didn’t move towards the sparse furniture that the First Order officer’s quarters were supplied with. That didn’t mean that he didn’t take in what he saw. Empty cups that looked like they might have once contained caf littered the table and Ren identified a few different bottles of low quality alcohol and a pack cigarras nearby. There was a blanket and a few pillows strewn about on the sofa along with a data pad haphazardly on the floor. While Hux didn’t appear pleased about someone seeing this side of him, he also refused to appear ashamed of himself. Ren could admire that.  
  
“You wanted to speak, then?”  
  
Ren did. He really did. And yet his words were not merely clogged in his throat, they were nonexistent. What he had come here to say seemed like a fleeting, foolish notion now. What did Hux know about Snoke, about anything? He’d only said it to try to secure an ally. It was more of his usual obsequiousness. That was all. Ren was wasting his time here. It was time for his training exercises. He needed to turn around and leave.  
  
Maybe it was the thought of his skin twinging around his wound again, hearing Snoke’s voice in his mind, or his regret over not following through with what he came here to say, but something in his expression must have alerted Hux as to the maelstrom he was contending with. Ren regretted not having his helmet. It was always his shield to compensate for how easy he was to read.  
  
“What did you have to say, Ren?”  
  
“I can’t talk about this. I can’t think about these things. They aren’t in my past like yours are.”  
  
“Then at least call me by my name.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Find it.”  
  
That made Ren pause. Even if he had never seen Hux so serious, it was difficult to believe. Hux wanted Ren to enter his mind. If this was a ploy to try to push Ren into breaking, Hux was risking more than just further humiliation. Too much was capable of going wrong when the force was applied to the mind. With how much Hux valued his and how unwilling he was to gamble, Ren was forced to concede that somehow he was being earnest.  
  
“Hold still.” Ren directed. “If you can’t handle this, tell me. Fighting it will only damage you.”  
  
Hux was not fearful. “Just get on with it.”  
  
So Ren took his head in his hands and then pushed out with his consciousness until he connected with Hux’s. There was resistance. It was natural, even if Hux wasn’t resisting him purposefully. Ren nudged at his thoughts and Hux came close to gasping.  
  
“You have to let go.”  
  
Ren could feel him attempting to force relaxation upon himself. Tediously, the barrier between them began to fluctuate. Despite how much he was trying to hide it, Hux was perturbed about this  
  
“I can’t do this if you hold back.”  
  
“What?” Hux demanded, teeth gritted. “I have to just let it out?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Hux sought out Ren’s gaze. When Ren met it steadily, the wall began to lower and Hux began to breath more evenly again. This was more emotion that Ren had ever seen from him on the day that the First Order received the news that Commodore Hux had passed away. Because Ren wasn’t putting any strength into being offensive, his defence lagged in turn and some of his last thought reached Hux.  
  
It’s no mystery why I was hardly upset about that. My father wouldn’t give me his name, so I was given another. It was the only gift he ever gave me. I should have been Brendol the third, that was what my mother wanted, but instead he cast her away and named me Armitage because I was his kitchen maid’s bastard. He branded me with the name of the loner because he never intended to love me. All I was to him was a minor hurdle that he might be able to get some use out of. I hated him so damn much. I heard the news that the bastard had died at the same time everyone else did. To keep up appearances, I was forced to take a leave of absence. It was for the best, because every time that I remembered that he was gone, I laughed. I’m glad that he couldn’t be brought low enough to share his name. Now, nothing will be left of him. He will have no legacy while my name will live on forever. I will make it live on forever. I will.  
  
“Armitage.” Ren said aloud, both to announce that he’d discovered the object of his search and to get Hux’s attention.  
  
What is it like to listen to me ramble? Does it spoil your opinion of me? It should. When you’re raised to always present absolute perfection even though it’s a complete lie, everything that you try your best to hide eats away at you like this. I’m a disaster and I know it. Just a little man hiding behind a big coat. Just because I built a big weapon doesn’t mean that I can lead. Something is going to go wrong and it will be all my fault. As much as I want to blame you, I know that you’re not all of it. I want to see you taken down because of how Snoke is willing to forgive and listen to you. Yet I also know how petty that is and that you’re in no better a position than I am. You know, I’m jealous of your temper. Whenever something goes wrong, you let yourself just trash some console or attack somebody. I can’t do that. I have to let it just tear me apart from the inside.  
  
“You are jealous of me?”  
  
Jealous, envious, all of it. Do you hate me? I don’t hate you. I want to, but we’re too similar. Hating you would just be a new form of hating myself and that’s not cathartic at all. But really, do you hate me? You’ve never liked me. I could feel it, see it when you graced us with your face. I like it when you take your mask off. You’re human then, your own person and not just Snoke’s puppet. When I’m around, I’m trying to wins Snoke’s favor. I try to make you follow the rules. And I guess that I’m very insignificant in your eyes. Just a bureaucratic little pest that goes between shrill demands and batting his eyes to get what he wants because otherwise nobody will listen to him. Rambling on like this has to have alerted you that I crave your attention. You’re unstable, but clever. If you were less impulsive, you’d be an exceptional leader. I always want the people who won’t give me the time of day. I have my father to thank for that. Proving myself is the pursuit, it always has-  
  
With his hands and mind still firmly in place, Ren brought Hux into him, kissing him softly. At first, Hux could only inhale sharply, a stuttering breath. Ren wasn’t doing much better, having to exert himself not to flood Hux’s mind with his own thoughts and emotions. The focus made him come across as harsh while Hux was hesitant, relaxing after a few seconds, but still shy. Ren dared to probe around in his mind further, needing to know for certain if he needed to stop.  
  
I don’t understand. He’s warm, stiff, but warm. He could crush me right here. Should I be afraid? I want to put my hands on him. Why is he doing this? I should never have agreed to this. He’ll never work with me now. This is it. I’ve ruined myself. If he act up and I’m not able to stop him, any respect that my crew has for me will be lost. It wasn’t worth it. He feels too nice. I’m weak, useless. He knows it to be the complete truth now and so will everyone else. No. I can’t do this. Not-  
  
As if slapped, Ren pulled away from both his lips and mind. His head rang after the barrage of Hux’s stream of consciousness.  
  
“Armitage.”  
  
Hux reluctantly met his eye.  
  
“I don’t hate you.  
  
“How strange things in this galaxy are.”  
  
That made Ren hesitate. “I don’t understand.”  
  
“You’re gentle.”  
  
“You didn’t expect that?”  
  
“There was no reason for me to.”  
  
Ren had to look away, a sense of shame descending upon him. It had been a long time since he’d had to contend with the idea that he was too cruel. Usually, according to Snoke, the issue was that he needed to be even more vicious in a way that could be harnessed and released in the proper scenarios.  
  
“You always repress all of this fear to point where I could barely feel it bleeding through. It should take decades to learn that much self control even in a force user.”  
  
“Or just a highly educational childhood.”  
  
“Tell me.”  
  
Hux offered an attempt at a casual shrug. “What’s their to tell? I was raised with a blend of Imperial child rearing tactics with fresh First Order ideals taken to the extreme.”  
  
After listening carefully, Ren didn’t offer so much as a nod that he’d understood what Hux had said and Hux offered nothing more. Ren desperately wanted to speak even if his instincts were vehemently opposed to the idea. His head felt too large for his skull as he groped for a decision, in the end just shattering through the walls that the disciplined part of himself was throwing at him to impede his path.  
  
“My early childhood was spent among politicians, although it would be more accurate to say that the time was spent being ignored by said politicians. My mother was busy running the galaxy, my father off away from us both. I was left alone with my ugly thoughts. When I went to begin training in the force, I had much more power than the other pupils and I was reckless with it because I wanted any attention that I could earn myself. It never worked.”  
  
Hux blinked at him, his bright eyes scrutinizing. “That’s where Snoke came in.”  
  
A corner of Ren’s mouth threatened to pull into a snarl before he tried to relax his features and merely nod.  
  
“I was always trying to design something that would impress. It was very obvious that I’d never make it far on my military skills alone. When the Supreme Leader heard about my plans for Starkiller Base and asked to see me, it was all I’d ever wanted. When I told my father about it afterward, all he told me was ‘It’s about bloody time.’”  
  
Though he attempting to conceal it, Ren could read just how hurt Hux still was by his father’s reaction.  
  
“Where you alone when you were young?” Hux asked in smooth transition.  
  
“Other politicians had children that would sometimes accompany them. Other than a few droids or the occasional friend of my parents, though, that was it.”  
  
“After that?”  
  
Ren’s answer was blunt. “I killed anyone who might have been kind to me after that.”  
  
“Nobody wanted me, not when I was the son of the commandant. It wasn’t like I would have had time for anything like that when I had to spend every spare moment that I had studying for the course work. I wasn’t going to risk being anything other than the best even if I knew it wouldn’t be enough.”  
  
One of Ren’s hands was next to Hux’s. After gently taking the finger of one of the gloves, he tugged it off, letting it fall and then slipping his hand into Hux’s. The skin was smooth, slightly cold to the touch. Hux didn’t seem to know what to do, his hand stiff in Ren’s. Less than a minute later, Hux took his hand back and rose.  
  
“I’d like you to leave, please.”  
  
It wasn’t a request. His tone had been harsh and Ren came very close to offering a rebuke until he let himself get a read on Hux’s state, finding it mirroring his own. They had known one another for years and then in the course of one unexpected visit they had shared headspaces, memories, contact. Hux was highly overwhelmed, confused, upset with himself, upset with Ren, and yet under that, part of him was joyous. Even if he thought they both would have enjoyed it, Ren didn’t kiss Hux again and Hux didn’t approach him. Ren left as he was asked.  
  
That had been their first tender experience together. And now, as Ren watched Hux mull over the benefits and risks of various headings, all of those feelings were coming back to him in a muddy flood. His judgement was clouded, Hux’s nonexistent. Years ago, weeks ago, Ren would have thought nothing of putting Hux out of his misery and sparing Snoke more of his defeats. Nothing excused being a coward, not even hypocrisy or love.  
  
The idea that his father would have vehemently disagreed with that notion struck him like a blow. He shook his head as if in the attempt to dislodge Han Solo’s voice. It wasn’t as if he was doing what his father had asked of him on the suspension bridge. He wasn’t coming home. The only thing that might be bringing some comfort to his father, wherever he was, was that Ren was coming to terms with Snoke’s misuse of him and breaking away. Nonetheless, his father’s presence was heavy. What more did he want? He wasn’t going back to his mother, his uncle, anyone. It wasn’t an issue of them not wanting him, it was that they didn’t need him. He’d done enough. There would be no looking at their faces without his mask. It wasn’t as if anything that he could say now would ever begin to heal the scars that he’d left, the amputations that had occurred at his hands.  
  
Maybe it was in reaction to his guilt, but some measure of peace spread over Ren. His father had forgiven him moments before his death. His mother would. If anyone could aid in his uncle moving past the events at the temple, it would be the scavenger, the traitor, Poe Dameron, Ren’s mother.  
  
And then there was Hux, who desired zero forgiveness and yet had proven that he wanted to give all the love he had to Ren. He was the home that he was fleeing to. There was nothing odd about the idea. It made too much sense to come with any second guessing. Out of all the force users and politicos that Ren had met in life and in combat, ex-First Order General Armitage Hux, the scrawny, anxiety riddled bastard that nobody had expected anything out of, had been the one to provide refuge for him. And Hux found his shelter in Ren, the volatile weapon of Supreme Leader Snoke. The empathy that they had for one another was pure and untainted, perhaps the only thing that Ren had in his life that he could list as such.  
  
He rose, moving to stand behind Hux and lightly placing his hands on Hux’s waist. After giving a stuttering breath of surprise, Hux issued a silent sigh and leaned back ever so slightly against Ren as he continued to calculate a hyperspeed destination. For the first time that Ren could remember, he felt safe and free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this, please consider leaving kudos or a comment.


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